Health

Wedgies, and other school experiences far more traumatic than wearing a mask

THE usual knobheads are desperately worried about compulsory masks at secondary school. These educational experiences are way worse...

The five types of self-improving twat you'll bump into this January

JANUARY is infested with insufferable f**knuts trying to improve their lives. These are the worst.

Kids to attend school in Zorbs

CHILDREN are to attend school in airtight inflatable plastic spheres for the near future, the government has confirmed.

Play Christmas Covid Cleudo: Which of your bastard guests has given you the virus?

FEELING a bit peaky? Use the clues to deduce which friend or family member has given you Covid in our fun interactive game.

Boris Johnson's reckless gamble with all our lives 'might just pay off'

THE prime minister’s high-risk gamble with the lives of every man, woman and child in Britain might just work out, say scientists. 

Train twat keeps mask off for whole journey because he's holding a coffee

A TWAT on a train is exempt from wearing a mask because he has a Costa cup in his hand, he has revealed.

How to argue like a f**king infuriating anti-vaxxer

ARE you belligerently obsessed with anti-vaccine views? Here’s how to bang on about them in the most maddening way possible.

Man reckons if he got periods he'd never mention it

A MAN genuinely believes that if he was bleeding from his genitals once a month every month he would not talk about it.

Right-wing dickheads think you want a lockdown

RIGHT-WING knobheads across the UK have convinced themselves that their political opponents love being locked up in their own homes for months.

If you want any over the next four months cuff up now, Professor Van-Tam advises singles

PROFESSOR Jonathan Van-Tam has advised the UK’s singles that if they want to get any winter action they must cuff up this weekend.