Are you paranoid? This is what everyone's saying about you

PARANOID that everyone’s talking about you behind your back? No need to worry, they’re only whispering this...

Five Covid rules you haven't stuck to since Freedom Day

INFECTION numbers are through the roof again, because nobody’s done any of these since Monday July 19th.

Exhausted woman barely has energy to tell you how exhausted she is

A WOMAN claiming to be tired is almost too tired to tell you how tired she is.

Anti-vaxxers move on to Lemsip

VACCINE sceptics are now condemning Lemsip, the popular lemon-flavoured cold and flu remedy, as government mind control.

It's just a cold, says colleague coughing all over the office

A MAN says his colleagues do not need to worry about him coughing and sneezing in their faces, because it is just a cold and not Covid.

PE teacher fully aware it's not real teaching

A PE teacher has confirmed he is fully cognisant of the fact that being paid to make kids run around a field is a piss-easy gig.

Woman who has never sat up straight in her life wondering why her back hurts

A WOMAN who has the posture of a prawn cannot find a reason for her mysteriously persistent back pain.

Can you fit into the jeans you wore when you were 21 or of course f**king not?

ANYONE who no longer fits into the jeans they wore aged 21 is at risk of diabetes, but are you safe? Of course f**king not, but take our quiz.

Bastard who's thinner than you saying they need to lose weight

A FAT-SHAMING bastard is moaning about how much they need to lose weight even though they are much thinner than you.

Knobheads poised to call 'light set of measures' a draconian affront to liberty

UNBEARABLE arseholes are on standby to slam possible light pandemic restrictions as an unjustified authoritarian attack on freedom.