PARANOID that everyone’s talking about you behind your back? No need to worry, they’re only whispering this...
INFECTION numbers are through the roof again, because nobody’s done any of these since Monday July 19th.
A WOMAN claiming to be tired is almost too tired to tell you how tired she is.
VACCINE sceptics are now condemning Lemsip, the popular lemon-flavoured cold and flu remedy, as government mind control.
A MAN says his colleagues do not need to worry about him coughing and sneezing in their faces, because it is just a cold and not Covid.
A PE teacher has confirmed he is fully cognisant of the fact that being paid to make kids run around a field is a piss-easy gig.
A WOMAN who has the posture of a prawn cannot find a reason for her mysteriously persistent back pain.
ANYONE who no longer fits into the jeans they wore aged 21 is at risk of diabetes, but are you safe? Of course f**king not, but take our quiz.
A FAT-SHAMING bastard is moaning about how much they need to lose weight even though they are much thinner than you.
UNBEARABLE arseholes are on standby to slam possible light pandemic restrictions as an unjustified authoritarian attack on freedom.