Health

Woman seriously worried we're heading towards the return of one-way systems in shops

THE introduction of Plan B restrictions has left a woman terrified that little arrows could return to the floors of shops and supermarkets.

Travellers to UK to be quarantined until they can explain f**king why?

TRAVELLERS voluntarily arriving in the rain-lashed hellhole of Britain are to be quarantined until they explain what possessed them.

Bastard getting hotter with age

A TOTAL scumbag is defying the ageing process by getting more attractive as the years pass by, it has emerged.

Twat refusing to wear a mask on bus thinks he's Rosa Parks or something

A MAN refusing to wear a mask on a bus believes he is part of a long line of important political activists rather than an annoying prick.

Nine wildly contradictory claims about the Omicron variant

THE Omicron variant is the hot new strain of Covid sweeping the world, but what are the facts and what are their exact opposites?

Six f**king obvious questions anti-maskers really need to ask

IF wearing a mask is fascist government oppression, what is it meant to achieve? Here are the questions anti-maskers avoid asking.

Advice on booster rollout boils down to 'just f**king get it'

THE advice of scientists in regard to receiving a Covid vaccination booster can be summed up as ‘just f**king get it’.

Six bollocks herbal remedies that aren't as effective as a lie down and a Stella

WHEN doctors prescribe fluids and rest, they mean consuming lager in a horizontal position. Not this nonsense hippies try to convince you will do a better job.

Outrage as NHS staff asked to believe in medicine

OUTRAGED NHS staff are threatening to quit after being asked to believe in the efficacy of medicine to prevent disease and illness.

Hair will naturally clean itself, says woman who stinks

A WOMAN who believes her hair will clean itself naturally is unaware that it smells disgusting.