Health

Cold showers are enjoyable, and other bullshit health obsessives believe

STAYING healthy is wise long-term, but wellness trends suck the enjoyment from life. Don't get sucked in by the following bullshit.

Boyfriend really hoping that's a positive Covid test in bathroom

A MAN who has discovered a positive test on the side of the bathroom sink is really hoping it is for Covid-19.

Twatty gym behaviours: a spotter's guide

DO YOU drag yourself to the twatting gym only to find it’s full of twats using all the twatting equipment? Use our comprehensive spotters’ guide to gym wankers.

All restrictions must end now, says man who got his second jab yesterday

A MIDDLE aged man who received his second jab yesterday has demanded all lockdown restrictions end immediately.

The Kays Catalogue, and five other pathetic excuses for porn in the 1980s

IF THE over-40s were honest about how technology has transformed the world, they’d say ‘you can get porn now.’ Back in their younger years, these had to suffice.

Freedom Day moved in hope of permanently eradicating nightclubs

THE government has moved Freedom Day back by four weeks after hearing a further delay could shut down Britain’s nightclubs forever.

The six most terrifyingly false teenage drug myths

IS A teenager you know thinking of doing drugs? Make sure they know all these terrifying, entirely bogus true stories.

Anyone returning home from Portugal is dirty and diseased starting… now

BRITISH holidaymakers in Portugal are filthy virus-spreaders who must quarantine for ten days as of… now, the government has confirmed.

Third Covid wave to provide neat conclusion to trilogy

THE upcoming third wave of Covid is expected to wrap up all the loose ends and bring the trilogy to a fitting close, fans believe.

We’re only doing this to protect people who matter, 30-year-olds getting jabs told

ANYONE 30 and over invited to be vaccinated has been told they are still not getting affordable housing, free higher education or stable jobs.