Health

It's just a cold, says colleague coughing all over the office

A MAN says his colleagues do not need to worry about him coughing and sneezing in their faces, because it is just a cold and not Covid.

PE teacher fully aware it's not real teaching

A PE teacher has confirmed he is fully cognisant of the fact that being paid to make kids run around a field is a piss-easy gig.

Woman who has never sat up straight in her life wondering why her back hurts

A WOMAN who has the posture of a prawn cannot find a reason for her mysteriously persistent back pain.

Can you fit into the jeans you wore when you were 21 or of course f**king not?

ANYONE who no longer fits into the jeans they wore aged 21 is at risk of diabetes, but are you safe? Of course f**king not, but take our quiz.

Bastard who's thinner than you saying they need to lose weight

A FAT-SHAMING bastard is moaning about how much they need to lose weight even though they are much thinner than you.

Knobheads poised to call 'light set of measures' a draconian affront to liberty

UNBEARABLE arseholes are on standby to slam possible light pandemic restrictions as an unjustified authoritarian attack on freedom.

Teenagers' vaccine decisions based entirely on pissing off parents

CHILDREN aged 12-15 are deciding whether or not to get vaccinated entirely on how much it will piss off their parents, they have confirmed.

UK's winter Covid plan is a shrug emoji

THE government’s plan for managing the pandemic over the next six months is an emoji of a woman shrugging, it has revealed.

How to be a sunburnt wanker during the heatwave

THERE’S an unexpected heatwave, so as a Briton you have no option but to overdo your sun exposure. Here are the best ways.

Child-free 43-year-old still manages to have dad bod

A MAN who is neither a father nor subject to the stresses of being a parent still has the proper dad bod, witnesses have agreed.