Health

Teenagers' vaccine decisions based entirely on pissing off parents

CHILDREN aged 12-15 are deciding whether or not to get vaccinated entirely on how much it will piss off their parents, they have confirmed.

UK's winter Covid plan is a shrug emoji

THE government’s plan for managing the pandemic over the next six months is an emoji of a woman shrugging, it has revealed.

How to be a sunburnt wanker during the heatwave

THERE’S an unexpected heatwave, so as a Briton you have no option but to overdo your sun exposure. Here are the best ways.

Child-free 43-year-old still manages to have dad bod

A MAN who is neither a father nor subject to the stresses of being a parent still has the proper dad bod, witnesses have agreed.

Children return to pandemic frontline

THE summer holidays are over and children aged between four and 16 are enjoying their first day back at the frontline of a pandemic.

You'll never guess which virus this Covid-denier has caught!

A PROMINENT Covid-denier has fallen ill after contracting a virus – and you won't believe which one!

How to maintain your anti-vaccine stance in the face of a f**kload of evidence it's working

KEEN to double down on your mental vaccination theories while reality seems intent on proving them wrong? Try these gambits.

Moron needs free takeaway to avoid getting deadly virus

A MORON who was uninterested in getting the Covid vaccine to protect himself and others has had a change of heart after being offered a free double cheeseburger. 

Jump the queue at Thorpe Park, and 17 other privileges the double-vaccinated will have within a month

THE double-vaccinated will soon be allowed to attend gigs, go to nightclubs, travel abroad and put their rubbish in your wheelie bin. What else?

Man claiming he got pinged from nightclub, not game of Warhammer

A 31-YEAR-OLD pinged after playing Warhammer in the Warhammer shop has told everyone he actually visited a cool new nightclub.