Health

A MAN applying sunscreen to his girlfriend is struggling to balance the competing pressures of his arousal and her need for UV protection.

MASTURBATING on a daily basis for 12 months was one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life – and could be of yours. Here’s what it taught me.

A MAN has wasted time and effort burning fat in areas of his body that are not his gut, it has frustratingly emerged.

HAVE all your friends returned from Turkey with chronic conditions after botched operations, and you’re jealous? Pop over for one of these procedures.

A WOMAN likes to relax into sleep after her usual healthy wind down routine of watching several thousand 30-second videos on her phone.

A MAN has received a text message from his mother at the midpoint of a furious masturbatory frenzy.

THE people of Britain are planning to throw open their windows and boo the NHS this evening at 8pm, it has been confirmed.

SUFFERING? Girlfriend implying it’s your own fault because you refuse to take the feeble medications she recommends? These are no different to homeopathy.

OUTSIDE the newsagent in the year 2044 lurk two men in their early thirties. They hold up a £40 note and ask you to get them a packet of Silk Cut. Will you?