Health

Now don't go using any of these freedoms we're giving you, says government

THE government has told Britons they are now free to hug, mix indoors and drink inside pubs, and warned them not to.

Man still not entirely sure what's in a Holland & Barrett

Despite being a mainstay on UK high streets, a man is still not sure what a Holland & Barrett actually is.

Nap made everything worse

A WOMAN has awoken to discover her nap was a terrible, terrible mistake.

Man reaches 'grunting at urinal' stage of life

A MAN is horrified to realise he has started making unusual grunting noises whenever he uses a urinal.

Five minging things about the swimming pool you haven't missed

YOU'RE keen to get back to your public pool, but don’t forget your hazmat suit. There's still plenty to make you gag.

Five lockdown rules you've broken if you're being completely honest

CLAIMING to have got through lockdown without putting a toe out of line? Apart from these rules, which you broke if you’re being honest.

Coffee after 5pm, and five other things you'll massively regret in your 40s

OVER 40? Keen not to feel like a sack of shit? 44-year-old Martin Bishop details six things that will set you back two days if you even attempt them.

Horrified woman forgets to tell social media she's had her Covid jab

A WOMAN who has just joined 25 million Britons in having her Covid vaccine is mortified she forgot to share her special news on social media.

Man returns to gym to flex his smugness

A SMUG bellend is already back in the gym to give his rippling vanity a workout, he has confirmed.

Do you give a shit what f**king vaccine you get? Take our quiz

THE Welsh are getting the Moderna jab while under-30s are advised not to get the AstraZeneca jab. Do you care at this point or would you take anything? Find out with our quiz.