Health

Dogs announce plan to not move at all

THE nation’s dogs have unveiled their plan to get through this heatwave by not moving from one spot throughout.

Man has early night to make head start on anxiety checklist

A MAN has started going to bed earlier so he has more time to run through the ever-expanding list of things he needs to worry about.

How to think you're dieting, by a man

CONSIDERING half-heartedly trying to lose weight? Allow a man to give you tips to ensure you never really commit.

Key component of slimming Mediterranean diet is chain-smoking

THE crucial element of the southern European diet that keeps natives so attractively thin is not olive oil or leafy vegetables but endless cigarettes.

Eye of the Tiger: The songs every prick has on their running playlist

WANT to motivate yourself to achieve some minor fitness goal? Download these tracks and imagine you’re at Olympian levels of fitness and not another decrepit jogger gasping for air.

Enjoy getting f**king polio, anti-vaxxers told

WITH the UK experiencing its first polio outbreak in 40 years, people are eager to see anti-vaxxers put their money where their mouth is.

Man horrified to realise he's as old as his parents when they were really f**king ancient

A MAN is facing up to the horrific realisation that he is now the same age his parents were when they seemed alarmingly old.

Driving the best way of working off anger issues, say experts

DRIVING like a lunatic is the best way for men and women - but especially men - to work off feelings of rage and frustration, research has proved.

'Clothes shopping's so hard when you're a size eight' and other shit your skinny friend says

SHE gets all the attention, fits Zara dresses and absolutely benefits from accepted beauty standards, but your thin mate still acts the victim. Here’s the bollocks she says.

Should I stop shagging monkeys? Your monkeypox questions answered

YOU’RE probably confused by what monkeypox is and what you should be doing to prevent it. Don’t worry - Dr Emma Bradford is here to answer all your questions.