Health

Welsh install Scouse-detectors

THE Welsh have installed a network of foolproof Scouse-detectors along their northern border. 

Six more appropriate terms for the current f**k-up than 'circuit breaker'

DO you get the feeling the government is using jargon like ‘circuit breaker’ and ‘moonshot’ to hide its total lack of competence? Here are some more appropriate terms to use in the crisis.

And this will definitely be the last lockdown, yeah? asks thick, gullible British public

THE British public has agreed it can put up with a two-week circuit-breaker lockdown as long as they are promised this is the last one.

F**ked, really f**ked, or nice and safe and Tory: the three-tier lockdown explained

THE government is introducing a  three-tier lockdown system because Dominic Cummings doesn’t believe you can grasp numbers higher than three. This is how it will work.

Northern Covid spreading faster because it's hard as f**king nails

THE Northern version of coronavirus is spreading like wildfire because it is well hard and kicks shit out of your immune system, scientists have confirmed.

Catching Covid fifth worst thing that can happen to you in Northern pub

THE government's plan to close pubs across Northern England has been met with surprise as regulars say their favourite hostelries present far greater dangers than catching coronavirus.  

Fake cough now best way to skive off school, say kids

KIDS have revealed that coughing briefly in the morning can get them a large number of days off school.  

Man's workout basically unpacking weights and putting them in spare room

A MAN is planning to get ripped by taking some weights out of the box they came in and putting them in the spare room. 

How to escape being quarantined in Wales

WALES is threatening to imprison visitors to the country from Covid hotspots in England. If you get locked up by the Heddlu, here’s how to bust out of Cymru.

Coke-snorting couple wouldn't take vaccine because they 'won't know what's in it'

A COUPLE who regularly enjoy cocaine cut with a range of unspecified powders are suspicious about exactly what will be in the Covid-19 vaccine.