Relationships

A WOMAN has decided to dedicate her every waking moment to slagging off the man she chose to marry.

STILL on the shelf while George Osborne, of all the wankers, is happily married? Lie to yourself that this doesn’t reflect badly on you.

WANT to undermine someone’s self-worth, while still sounding like a nice person? Try these phrases.

A MUM with a vivid imagination has invested so much time in her fantasy offspring that she now prefers them to her actual ones.  

A MAN is relieved that the argument he is having with his girlfriend over WhatsApp is not being peer-reviewed in another group chat.

A PAIR of male friends making up for not being in touch for several years have not divulged any personal information, it has emerged.

A MAN is wondering how long he should wait after sex before telling a woman he does not feel a romantic attraction. 

MARRIED couples have confirmed that they feel no envy whatsoever of their single friends’ so-called dating adventures.

A DISAPPOINTED man with a fading erection has begun listing all the positives of their maintaining a platonic friendship.

THERE’S nothing guaranteed to complicate your sex life more than a weekend with your partner’s mum and dad. Here’s how to navigate this social and sexual minefield.