Relationships

THEY split last week. You’re meeting her for lunch after she’s visited the hairdressers. The haircut she gets determines how much of a bastard you need to say he was.

YAWNING age differences between actors in movies outrage filmgoers. But not many men, who are always oddly cagey about age-gap relationships for unexplained reasons. Here's how they do it:

TAYLOR and I have been platonic collaborators for 12 years, and that’s a lot of wanking. This is how I plan to finally make it out of the friendzone.

A MAN who has casually arranged his third date on a Saturday night when the previous two were midweek genuinely believes she will never suspect.

THE only advice ever given by women, no matter what the situation, is now ‘dump him’, it has emerged.

EVERYDAY experiences are often cited as better than sex, but these things surely only outrank it if you are absolutely terrible in bed.

A MAN respectfully refers to the devastating heartbreak which sent his life spiralling into a black despair from which it may never recover as his ‘then girlfriend’.

HUSBAND cheating? Husband also a multi-millionaire footballer? Then it can’t be his fault and it must be that bitch’s. Here’s how to shift blame.

A WOMAN who asked a friend for advice on a new relationship is blaming her for shattering illusions she was perfectly content with.

A COUPLE who are celebrating their 15th anniversary this year believe that it makes them incredible humans uniquely qualified to give out life advice.