Society

WHETHER you’re a hard-working family, lazy and single or deservedly retired, yesterday’s spring statement is f**king you right over. Here’s how it breaks down.

THE 70s and 80s were a golden age for dads. Here are some of your father’s weird, self-indulgent habits which were somehow considered normal back then.

FURIOUS about how ‘ungrateful’ you think Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe is? Send your opinions to these relevant places.

AN idiot has told friends he is not concerned about petrol prices going up as he only ever puts a tenner’s worth in anyway.

DO you sometimes take tiny liberties with the truth to impress women? Do you think any of them are fooled for a single minute?

FEELING belittled? Put down? Then you’ve just finished an interaction with one of these types who believe themselves very much your superior.

HARK! Is that the sound of a knobhead in a modded-up Golf? How courteous to noisily warn us of his impending presence. Listen for these sounds.

AFTER revelations about offensive texts and going in mob-handed to protect oligarchs’ mansions, the police’s reputation has taken a hit. Here gammon Roy Hobbs explains why he still has total faith in the ‘thin blue line’.

YES, it’s the most ersatz celebration of the year as non-Irish people honour St Patrick by puking in the street. Here’s how to make it actually quite offensive.

THOUGHT higher education would improve your life? Nope. Here are the subjects that will make zero difference to your career prospects.