Columnists

You see, you can think of the smallpox virus like John Travolta.

Some say that playfully rubbing yourself up against your assistant Claudette whilst playing Sex Bomb full blast is filthy, filthy, dirty and wrong.

Most people fear the occult and rightly so, animal sacrifices can ruin a lunch party if all the guests aren't forewarned a chicken is going to get it in between courses.

Outside, my tears mingled with the rain, which dribbled from the clouds like urine from an indifferent deity's underpants into a big, Welsh toilet.

MUSIC has always been my first love. Well, that's if you don't count [REDACTED] who I had a brief but dirty fling with, back in 1979.

Everyone gets nervous from time to time, whether you're giving a speech, flying in turbulence or about to tell your wife she might have an STD.

Our very own Dr Caruso had laboured over a simply gorgeous pair of glue-on flange clamps, which were added at the last minute and would prove invaluable during the mounting.

Different animals can be repurposed for different functions, for example if you’re looking to gain attention in a high level business meeting, turtles always kill in the boardroom.

I'LL be so pleased when this whole wedding business is out of the way. I've never been quite sure why one needs to get married in the first place.

The biggest dilemma at a church wedding is whether to go with hymns or risk upsetting God with something by Gary Glitter or Elton John.