Politics

GAMMONS are thrilled that the government blocking the gender recognition bill has annoyed weirdos and put uppity Scots in their place simultaneously.

BORIS Johnson has seen how many books Prince Harry has sold and announced his tell-all memoir. It will skirt around these key areas.

SCOTLAND has chosen to pick rather an unusual fight with England, residents of both countries have agreed.

PROSPEROUS Southern towns are to be systematically run down to the same level as deprived ‘Red Wall’ Northern towns, it has been announced.

FORMER prime minister Boris Johnson is not only to be removed from Grant Shapps’ photos but from all recorded history.

RISHI Sunak says the reason he used a private jet for a 36-minute flight to Leeds is because someone has made the UK’s railways absolutely terrible.

ANY workers withdrawing labour when it is irreplaceable and urgently needed will be fired en masse, the great thinkers in government have decided.

THE prime minister has outlined his vision of a country where every man, woman and child is a maths-loving spod.

THE prime minister has announced he will be taking the whole of 2023 off to prevent suffering from burnout.

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