Politics

THE Conservative party and their client media are expected to take their absolute defeat by Gary Lineker on the chin and not bear any grudges.

THE sins of mankind, and in particular Tory voters, condemned the people. But one man was sent to suffer for their sins. I am Gary Lineker, your centrist Christ.

WRITING comedy is a rare skill and one I have mastered completely, as my speech about Labour and Gary Lineker proved. Follow my advice and you’ll be writing for Friends before you know it!

DID you vote for Brexit to stop immigration, only for immigration to go up? Is that your fault? Probably. So what else has gone the opposite way to your intentions?

‘STOP the boats’ is the Tories’ latest idiotically simple three-word phrase to try to reel in voters. These would be far more honest.

IMMIGRANTS are coming to steal our country, and we certainly aren’t making that up to distract you from the shitshow we’ve made of the UK. Here are five facts you need to know.

BORIS Johnson’s resignation honours list includes his father, his wife, his baby son, six single mothers with ridiculous names, and more.

SUE Gray’s hiring by Labour proves once and for all there were no Downing Street lockdown parties and Boris Johnson did not attend them, the Tories have asserted.

WATCHING Matt Hancock squirm over leaked WhatsApp messages is fun until you remember hack ghoul Isabel Oakeshott is to blame. Find out who to support with this guide.

THE second volume of Matt Hancock’s diaries, covering when he found out his WhatsApps had been leaked, comes out today. These are the highlights.