Politics

WERE you not expecting miracles from Labour, but are now justifiably annoyed at how shit they actually are? Here’s how to cope with it for the next five f**king years.

THE deputy prime minister has remained on the decks spinning fat tunes from the end of her holiday and into parliament, it has emerged.

PRITI Patel feels she has only been knocked out of the Tory leadership race because the party is not ready for a strong woman with her awful qualities.

THE Grenfell Tower Inquiry final report has saved the nation from trawling through its tragic pages by ending with a summary blaming the Conservative government.

IGNORE the Marxist BBC propaganda. Doctor Who is a real person who does not subscribe to British values, threatening to reverse time and Brexit. I will defeat him.

KEIR Starmer has defended his controversial and petty decision to remove Margaret Thatcher’s portrait by saying it is exactly what she would have wanted.

THE prime minister has reassured the public that Britain will be back on track in around five billion years when the sun has become a red giant.

YOU love a bit of austerity, don’t you? That’s what you voted for and now you’re going to get it - good and hard. No lube.