Politics

'Grab my arse like a 16-year-old, gasped Gina': A preview of Pandemic Diaries by Matt Hancock

ARE you sad enough to read Matt Hancock’s account of the Covid crisis, Pandemic Diaries? Here are the ‘best’ bits so at least you don't have to buy the Daily Mail for the serialisation.

19 ways to defend your 2016 Brexit vote in this current moment

WAS your vote for Brexit the best thing ever in 2016, but now you’re broke, hungry and immigration’s higher than ever? Here’s why it’s still great.

'No! Not the charitable status of private schools!' say terrified Red Wall voters

RED Wall voters are rallying to the Tories after learning of Labour’s class war plan to strip charitable status from their beloved private schools.

One Iceland prawn ring and no free booze: The taxpayer's guide to organising an MP's Christmas party

GIVEN that MPs can now claim Christmas party expenses, it’s only fair that taxpayers are allowed to organise them. Here are some ideas.

I kissed a Tory and licked out a Lib Dem: Sir Keir Starmer’s political sex diary

I HAVEN’T just kissed a Tory. I’ve had depraved no-holes-barred f**k sessions with like-minded swingers of every political persuasion. Read my sex diary if you dare.

Hardcore Tory still trying to blame all this on immigrants

A DIEHARD Tory is struggling to blame every aspect of yesterday’s tax-raising, service-cutting Autumn Statement on immigration.

Man who condemned you and your family to years of poverty didn't like doing it

THE man who has condemned you and your family to years of freezing poverty did not enjoy doing so, he has confirmed.

Five public services you don't actually need, by Jeremy Hunt

GOOD morning, plebs. You’re going to hear a lot about cuts to public services today. Let me, Jeremy Hunt, explain why you don’t really need these.

I'm afraid you're going to have to be put down, Hunt tells Britain

JEREMY Hunt is to tell the UK that at this stage there is no saving it and it would be better for everyone if it were put to sleep.

I’m f**king innocent, Raab tells bullying investigator he has pinned against wall

DOMINIC Raab has told an independent investigator that he has never bullied anyone, while slamming him repeatedly against a wall in the House of Commons.