Politics

THE government has decided to engage in a quick war with China to gain public support ahead of the election, it has emerged.

WE farmers are left with no choice but to protest at cheap, low-quality imports threatening our livelihoods. We’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it, except that thing in 2016.

KEIR Starmer has told WASPI campaigners to bear with him because he is currently annoyed about a little flag.

YEAH, that Owen Jones? Writes for the Guardian? He’s leaving Labour, I know because I was on a table seat with him, Stockport to London. Never f**king shut up.

FORMER US president Barack Obama swung by Number 10 yesterday to drop off the Breaking Bad DVDs he borrowed during his time in office.

RIGHT-WING Conservative MPs are secretly plotting to make Penny Mordaunt leader so the party can go out on a sexy high, it has emerged.

MICHAEL Gove, better known as The Government, has redefined extremism so he can ban any political group he dislikes, including the Tories, on the following grounds:

HEAVEN knows why, but a racist has donated £10 million to the Conservatives. Should the party return this tainted cash?