Politics

THE King’s speech to parliament is the first chance for Britain to find out what they voted for three weeks ago, they have confirmed.

STARMER’S Labour have been in power for almost a week, and yet Britain still suffers from myriad problems. Which one has lost him your vote?

AS well as clocking off at 6pm on Fridays, Keir Starmer has announced he will take hourly fag breaks in the garden of Downing Street.

NOW he is no longer the MP for Stoke-on-Trent North, former teacher and monkey Jonathan Gullis has confirmed he will return to his zoological career.

THE big beasts of the Conservative party have been driven out and replaced with a big twat with four whole seats, it has emerged.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has confessed that, without a seat in Parliament, he is just some kind of Edwardian cosplay dickhead.

THE new prime minister has announced the end of toolmaking time and the beginning of a new era of liberal elitism.