Politics

General election would be irresponsible, says party that just elected inept chainsaw-juggling unicyclist

THE party that chose an amateur chainsaw-juggler to perform her act on the roof of a burning orphanage believes a general election would be dangerous and irresponsible.

Whirling carousel of disintegrating insanity the new normal

A SCREAMING whirlpool of burning shit and ruined futures worsening day by day is the new normal, Britain has confirmed.

The anti-growth coalition will f**k you up

THE anti-growth coalition has well and truly proven that if you call them out they will f**k you up.

Queen would've loved this

HER Majesty, who passed away last month, would have gotten a massive kick out of watching the current political turmoil, it has been confirmed.

Priti Patel's pure evil superior to Braverman's mundane nastiness, Britain agrees

SUELLA Braverman’s pedestrian unpleasantness was feeble compared to the pure, glittering evil of her predecessor, British people have confirmed.

'Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough' roars shirtless Rees-Mogg

FOOTAGE has emerged of a shirtless Jacob Rees-Mogg standing outside the parliamentary lobbies urging colleagues to ‘have a f**king go’.

[Insert name] appoints [minister] as [cabinet post]

WHOEVER is currently prime minister has offered some other minister a post in the cabinet after their predecessor dramatically resigned, it has emerged.

'I voted for this' says dickhead

A STUPID man has declared he was the one who voted for all of the current political and financial turmoil, it has emerged.

Energy bills going back up but at least your mortgage is higher

THE public has been reassured that while energy bill support will end, their mortgages will still be going up by a consoling few hundred a month.

Silent Liz Truss standing two feet behind you

A SILENT Liz Truss is appearing at workplaces across the country whenever a major f**k-up is being corrected.