Politics

THE government is to take the issuing of sick notes from GPs and hand it to a panel of specially selected sadistic bastards.

THIS kitchen – similar to one owned by Angela Rayner – may look harmless, but could easily have been used for a host of serious crimes. Forensic kitchen investigator Martin Bishop gives his verdict.

EVERYONE loves Conservative MPs and their propensity to stumble into hilarious sex outrages. Gather the family around and match the backbencher to their scandal!

THE opposition has defied the government’s smoking ban by pledging to give every child a pack of 20 cigarettes on their 15th birthday.

49-DAY prime minister Liz Truss has released a new book detailing her plan to save the world. Britain has notes.

CONSERVATIVE MP William Wragg has told people judging him for sending nudes to a foreign agent they have undoubtedly done the same or worse themselves.

COULD a cleverly chosen date for the election swing it for Rishi Sunak? It’s unlikely he’s got any other brilliant strategies, so here are some days he should keep in mind.

SCOTTISH police have confirmed they will look like big fascist knobs if they arrest JK Rowling and limp little willys if they do not.

THE prime minister has been accused of chickening out of calling a general election by Labour. When should he go to the country and lose?