Politics

Five Christmas presents you'd like to give Boris Johnson

BORIS Johnson deserves the worst Christmas presents ever this year. Here are some suggestions. 

The BBC vox pop moron's guide to the general election

ARE you the sort of person the BBC interviews in shopping precincts during the day for your banal opinions? Here moron Norman Steele gives his advice on voting in a December election.

If Boris cancels my son's sh*tty nativity play, he's got my vote

I HAVE been a left-winger all my life. I vehemently oppose Brexit. But if Boris Johnson’s December 12th election cancels my six-year-old son’s nativity play, he has my full support. 

Don't put this sh*t on us, warns electorate

THE electorate has warned Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn not to come to them with their problems and expect them to sort it all out. 

Five things Brexiters would have been happy with instead of this b*llocks

AS Brexit enters new levels of tedium, are you wondering if there might have been a simpler way to keep xenophobic Leavers happy? Here are some suggestions.

Can anything stop Boris Johnson? Yes

IS Boris Johnson, armed with a fresh Brexit deal the sceptics said he could never get, now unstoppable? Nah. Here’s why.

DUP to expand into f**king up other countries

THE DUP have confirmed they are not content with merely f**king up the UK and Ireland, and would like to move into f**king up bigger and better countries.

No-deal Brexit worth it if it means never hearing about 'the 17.4 million' again

BRITONS will happily accept food shortages and a tanking economy if they never have to hear the words ‘the 17.4 million’ ever again.

Five silly, piffling, minor trifles with Boris Johnson's Brexit plan

BORIS Johnson’s new Brexit plan must be brilliant because the DUP like it, but some critics are raising pootling, dunderheaded objections to it.

I'm Boris and I do what I f**king like

IT seems my opponents have signed a pledge to legislate against no-deal Brexit. Sadly they appear to have forgotten that I’m Boris, and I do whatever I f*cking want.