Politics

BY the time Liz Truss finishes speaking today, Britain will no longer exist. Here’s how it will happen minute-by-minute.

LIKE Martin Luther King. Suella Braverman has a dream, though hers is to see flights deporting migrants to Rwanda by Christmas. And more.

THE annual Slytherin party conference has sneered at Gryffindor swots doing degrees in Harry Potter studies.

THE Conservatives have U-turned on abolishing the 45p tax rate on condition that all voters forget about it as if it never happened.

PRIME minister Liz Truss has fed every one of the 4,000 people attending the Conservative party conference by miraculously growing a pie.

KWASI Kwarteng has sought to reassure nervous financial markets by revealing that his controversial mini-budget was tried out on rats in laboratory conditions.

LABOUR supporters have confirmed that yesterday’s YouGov poll showing Starmer’s party 33 points ahead is the most erotic thing ever and they are spent.  

ARE you studying for a GCSE in Trussonomics? Here’s a handy revision guide complete with a range of exam questions to practise on.

LIZ Truss’s interviews this morning have reassured Britain that the worst possible outcome has indeed come to pass and their prime minister is insane.

Dear 1922 Committee, I know! I wasn’t thinking I’d be back in touch with you so soon either. Sadly, it’s not good news.