Politics

BORIS Johnson is planning a third term in office, unaware that he’s f**ked. But a competent evil genius would be a better leader than any of the actual options.

MY high-profile job is at risk because I’ve surrounded myself with inept morons and pathetic toadies who are slowly turning against me. How can I lift my flagging spirits?

PRESIDENT Zelensky, who has just noted the UK by-election results on international news, knows exactly who this is calling on the phone.

THE UK has gone off course, run aground on the coast of France and is taking on water after a single day with Dominic Raab at the helm.

OUR once-functioning country is in a terrible mess, none of which is our fault. Instead, direct blame to these enemies of democracy.

AN ARDENT Leave voter has reminded Ukraine that the UK is not in the European Union and everything is going just great over here.

WANTED: ethics adviser for large public sector management team. No previous knowledge of or commitment to ethics a major plus.

I’M Keir Starmer, here to present a bold and radical vision for Labour which won’t offend the racists and bigots who would never vote for me anyway. Here's my plan.

WONDERING who on earth was cheering for last night’s flight to Rwanda to take off as planned?

THE Conservatives are celebrating their absolute failure to deliver on a key policy, believing that it will be a big hit with the voters that policy is important to.