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NEVER do anything in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with, especially if it’s having sex lucid. Not only will it happen, but you’ll remember it for years to come.

Porthleven is heaving with tourists all summer and in winter harbours nothing but locals who resent anyone who hasn’t lived here for 400 years and/or comes from further north than Truro.

You’re a water sign, like one of those yellow Caution: Wet Floor one in shopping centres.

WAKING with a start, I find myself looking up at familiar rafters. I am in Westminster Abbey, lying on a slate altar, and a queue of luminaries are paying their respects.

SIX years since the world lost David Bowie, are we ready to admit that the bulk of his career was a pile of crap?

HERO and feminist Tom Booker, aged 48, has agreed to date Jo Kramer despite only being seven years older than her. How did it go?

OUT there it’s dark, cold and inhospitable and will be for months, so why not subliminate that nagging desire to hang yourself into knotting a scarf instead?

BONO here, lead singer and spokesperson for U2, global poverty and the planet herself. It’s not cool to park outside our houses, guys. Let me tell you why.

‘You tuber,’ you whisper, to a potato.

SEATED in the first class compartment of a train from London to Brighton, I snort, wonder when it will deign to set off, and take a restorative draught of whiskey.