Child questioning authenticity of garden centre Santa

A CHILD has ruined her family's magical Christmas trip by carrying out a detailed analysis of the texture of Santa's beard.

Six Christmas songs that are utterly depressing

WHACKING on a Yuletide playlist seems like fun, but before you know it you’re listening to lyrics about war, suffering and death. Here are the most miserable.

12 Christmas gift ideas for the gammon in your life

WITH very obvious tastes, gammons are piss-easy to buy Christmas presents for. Try these ideas and watch their little red faces light up even more!

Ugly munters running out of excuses not to get kissed

WITH mistletoe smooches now permitted, unattractive people are fast running out of reasons for not kissing.

Seven ways they'll cancel Christmas again, by a right-wing bellend

CHRISTMAS - remember that? But now it keeps getting cancelled by the woke brigade. Makes you choke on your turkey, except you’re not allowed that unless it’s halal.

Dog concerned for owners who spent hard-earned money on presents for him

A DOG is still worried about the humans who collect his shit because they spent money on unnecessary presents for an occasion he does not understand.

Working-class family still trying to see point of Christmas walk

A WORKING-CLASS family taken on a traditional Boxing Day walk are still struggling to work out why four days later.

Mum unable to eat or sleep until kids write 'thank you' letters

A MOTHER has confessed she is unable to eat, sleep or feel anything but crushing guilt because her children have yet to write ‘thank you’ letters. 

Family starts new Christmas tradition of staring at Nan through window

A LOVING family has started a magical new festive tradition of peering at elderly relatives through glass.

Presents reveal no-one in family knows each other

A FAMILY has passed another year without bothering to get to know one another well enough to buy suitable presents.