Christmas

A CHILD has ruined her family's magical Christmas trip by carrying out a detailed analysis of the texture of Santa's beard.

WHACKING on a Yuletide playlist seems like fun, but before you know it you’re listening to lyrics about war, suffering and death. Here are the most miserable.

WITH very obvious tastes, gammons are piss-easy to buy Christmas presents for. Try these ideas and watch their little red faces light up even more!

WITH mistletoe smooches now permitted, unattractive people are fast running out of reasons for not kissing.

CHRISTMAS - remember that? But now it keeps getting cancelled by the woke brigade. Makes you choke on your turkey, except you’re not allowed that unless it’s halal.

A DOG is still worried about the humans who collect his shit because they spent money on unnecessary presents for an occasion he does not understand.

A WORKING-CLASS family taken on a traditional Boxing Day walk are still struggling to work out why four days later.

A MOTHER has confessed she is unable to eat, sleep or feel anything but crushing guilt because her children have yet to write ‘thank you’ letters. 

A LOVING family has started a magical new festive tradition of peering at elderly relatives through glass.

A FAMILY has passed another year without bothering to get to know one another well enough to buy suitable presents.