Christmas

A MAN employed as Santa Claus in a shopping centre only took the job to shag single mothers, he has admitted.

A WOMAN who claims to be desperately worried about the state of her finances has just spent £49.99 on a Christmas jumper for her dog.

WITH only a whole month until Christmas, coffee chains have unveiled their traditional ranges of batshit festive food.

IT’S hard to find a positive in yet more rail strikes, particularly at Christmas. But if you set your expectations very low you can at least be grateful these things won’t happen to you.

A CHILD has ruined her family's magical Christmas trip by carrying out a detailed analysis of the texture of Santa's beard.

WHACKING on a Yuletide playlist seems like fun, but before you know it you’re listening to lyrics about war, suffering and death. Here are the most miserable.

WITH very obvious tastes, gammons are piss-easy to buy Christmas presents for. Try these ideas and watch their little red faces light up even more!

WITH mistletoe smooches now permitted, unattractive people are fast running out of reasons for not kissing.

CHRISTMAS - remember that? But now it keeps getting cancelled by the woke brigade. Makes you choke on your turkey, except you’re not allowed that unless it’s halal.

A DOG is still worried about the humans who collect his shit because they spent money on unnecessary presents for an occasion he does not understand.