Christmas

EVERYONE does Christmas differently, but some in-laws really push the f**king envelope. Here are some of their bizarre traditions to expect.

PARENTS missing out on the joy of the school Christmas fayre this year are recreating the experience by stuffing their kids with sweets and giving away 50 quid.

ALL your nicest and most generous relatives will not see you at Christmas because of Covid fears while all the worst dickheads are still coming. 

A CARING family man has thoughtfully given his wife a list of his relatives to choose, purchase and wrap presents for.

IT’S the dilemma for any teenager at Christmas: you want cash, but know you can con aunties into spending more on a gift. Rip them off more effectively with our guide.

MIDDLE class parents are masters of showing off in passive-aggressive ways. Here’s how to write a self-congratulatory card this Christmas.

A WOMAN who only uses emails or texts during the rest of the year has discovered she has lost the ability to produce legible writing with a pen.

IT’S coming up to Christmas, which means some tosser will make you sit next to them to watch a Christmas movie they love and you don’t. Like these.

CHILDREN are being taken to see a Santa behind a plastic screen with masked elves and mandatory hand gel to keep the magic of Christmas alive. 

A WOMAN who claims she is desperate to spend time with her extended family this year has forgotten that she usually hides in the bathroom drinking wine.