Christmas

WITH only four shopping days left until Christmas, you need to hurry if you’re going to get a cursory present for people you don’t care about or actively dislike. Here are some suggestions.

THERE remain a few locations in this world where the season of goodwill has not yet claimed dominion. Go to these locations when you need a f**king break.

HI kids, can’t wait until December 25th for your presents? Luckily Santa has already half-heartedly hidden them around your home in these places.

AFTER hosting the 2022 World Cup, Qatar has made a successful bid to host Christmas 2023 and move the festive season to June.

REMEMBER joyful hours of sledging on crisp white snow, or chestnuts roasting on an open fire? No, because the reality was somewhat different, as follows.

DID you get way too pissed at your Christmas work party and now have to face being in the office again? Here’s how to cope.

A MAN employed as Santa Claus in a shopping centre only took the job to shag single mothers, he has admitted.

A WOMAN who claims to be desperately worried about the state of her finances has just spent £49.99 on a Christmas jumper for her dog.

WITH only a whole month until Christmas, coffee chains have unveiled their traditional ranges of batshit festive food.

IT’S hard to find a positive in yet more rail strikes, particularly at Christmas. But if you set your expectations very low you can at least be grateful these things won’t happen to you.