Christmas

ARE you tempted to cram yourself into the airing cupboard on Boxing Day for some precious ‘me time’? Here are some other excellent places to get away from bastards.

BRITAIN’S mothers have yet again deceived their loved ones by claiming the roast potatoes will be crispy like the ones in food magazines.

SADLY even the most discerning Waitrose customer may be forced to attend a Christmas party hosted by the sort of people who shop at Iceland. Here’s what to expect.

A MAN is quietly annoyed that he still cannot start drinking in the morning for at least a few more days.

TEACHER Emma Bradford is putting every Christmas present that is clearly not a bottle straight in the bin, she has revealed.

ARE you sick of pathetic Christmas cracker jokes that don’t support Brexit? Just print out these gags and slip them inside normal crackers for some Brexmas hilarity.

CHRISTMAS is a time for being bloody angry and having political correctness rammed down your throat. Here’s how to have a furious Little Englander Christmas.

IF you’re cursed with visiting relatives this Christmas it will inevitably harm your festive fun. Here’s how to minimise the grief at this most joyous time of year.

A HARDENED drinker’s slightly diseased heart has sunk at the prospect of his boozing sessions being interrupted by loud, tipsy Christmas parties.

ANY sane human should immediately demand that Christmas songs be turned off, scientists have confirmed.