Arts & Entertainment

SOME films have soundtracks that add to their brilliance, while some are made worse by having shit theme songs. Like these.

IN the olden days you’d do this freaky thing of just watching a TV programme you were interested in. Now you do all of this before even thinking about turning the telly on.

YOU went to a gig to see the band perform the songs, not point the mic at the pissed-up, tuneless audience. Here are other ways they ruin their own gigs:

A ZELDA-PLAYING 16-year-old has constructed a wood-and-stone fire-ejaculating penis that is the most impressive in all Hyrule.

HEAVY metal and Satanism go together like virgins and drinking blood. But did artists really think it through when allying themselves with a powerful entity of pure evil? Possibly not.

THE English language has the largest vocabulary in the world, but the favourite words of demure Countdown lexicographer Susie Dent are the ones you'd least expect. Such as these:

INDIANA Jones is the age of your grandad and able to perform many of the same thrilling stunts. Marvel during Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny as he successfully picks up the dog’s ball.

COUNTLESS ropey old TV shows are now regarded as classics on the basis of a hot star or stars. Under no circumstances suggest that these were actually a bit shit.

This Morning presenters Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield are to marry, it has been confirmed.

THINK Transformers is harmless? The clue’s in the name. Here Roy Hobbs speaks for the increasing number of paranoid weirdos who think everyone’s trying to sexualise your kids.