Arts & Entertainment

This is Strictly not a f**king nunnery, complain sex-starved viewers

STRICTLY Come Dancing viewers are deserting the show in droves after not one couple has begun an illicit affair.

Holly Willoughby hasn't stopped saying f**k yet

FRIENDS of Holly Willoughby have confirmed she has spent the four days since quitting This Morning releasing 14 years’ worth of expletives.

Nine bands with phenomenally unimaginative names

YOU can call your band anything. You can be poetic, controversial, deep, funny or ironic. Or you can just use the first stupid thing that pops into your head, like these.

Naked Attraction: Shows that shouldn't have a middle-aged parents version

ITV has tried to recreate the success of Love Island with My Mum, Your Dad, a slightly glum dating show for single parents. Here are more that don’t need a middle-aged version.

The Exorcist, and other films f**kwits thought were real

AS the Exorcist reboot arrives in cinemas, it’s worth remembering that the original left morons convinced demonic possession was real. Here are some more which viewers uncritically believed.

Iconic female characters clearly created by men who wanted to shag them

RECENTLY the creators of female characters have had to rein in their sexual fantasies slightly. But these are still clearly the work of male nerds who wanted to go out with them.

How to get through long, empty days without flicking This Morning on: A guide for Holly by Phil

HOLLY, you’ve quit This Morning for the sake of your family, but the kids are at school, your husband’s at work and the TV remote is right there.

Board game reveals side of boyfriend unseen outside of war

AN evening spent playing board games has caused a boyfriend to behave in a way never seen outside armed conflict.

Men In Black, and other raps middle-aged men know all the words to

RAP music recently turned 50, and so did many of its fans. Here are five iconic tracks all middle-aged men can do a strangely-accented version of.

Taylor Swift: 'I have noticed some of your parents still have money. So I have released a film'

IT has come to my attention that despite my concerts, my vinyl and my merch some of you have not yet exhausted your parents’ resources. I have a new film out.