Food

A MIDDLE-AGED man has amazed onlookers by eating three different ultra-processed foods in one sitting.

IT'S still only November but the shops are awash with disgusting Christmas-themed food. Here are some festive offerings which will delight nobody.

THE popularity of veganism means that meat-free meals in restaurants are also cheese, milk and egg-free as well, vegetarians have complained.

EATING from little huts is cool and trendy, but at what financial and emotional cost? These once-exhilarating outlets are now worse than an Asda ready meal.

STAGGERING to the kebab shop after a night's heavy drinking, pausing only to urinate in an alleyway? Remember to mind your manners and follow these protocols.

THE Caramac has gone. And now all there is left to do is wait for the rest of Western civilisation to inevitably follow.

EATING your usual guilty cheeseburger, you notice the items on the menu of your favourite fast-food franchise that nobody living has ever ordered. For why would they?

BRITISH food has always had a bad reputation, but at least it wasn't this social media-fuelled bollocks you could easily live without.

A FIRST YEAR student is discovering that the freedom he always longed for tastes like eating the same meal every f**king day.

A CAFÉ has pledged to stop faffing around with coffee and instead offer everyone a bump of speed cut with a powerful laxative.