Food

A JAR of cloves has been sentenced to life at the back of a kitchen cupboard in what he described as a 'grotesque miscarriage of justice'.

A MIDDLE-AGED man has realised that he can no longer make it more than two-thirds through a cooked breakfast.

TONY the Tiger has roared in triumph after finally defeating rival sugar-frosted cereal Ricicles after more than 50 years.

SUPERMARKETS are convinced that customers want unpleasant Christmas sandwiches that are a mockery of festive food, it has emerged.

QUICHE is just an underachieving distant relative of pizza, scientists have discovered. 

A SHOPPER contemplating the range of new seasonal crisp flavours believes humanity has created the monsters that will be its doom.

THE leader of the Church of England has condemned Greggs for using a sausage roll as Jesus in their nativity instead of the higher-value steak bake.

A POTATO is feeling self-conscious of its weight and body shape compared to svelte vegetables like carrots and green beans.