Food

THE pub chain’s decision to scrap Steak Club means the country has no future other than decline and depopulation.

RESTAURANTS have confirmed they refuse booking for lone diners not because they take up a table for two with a meal for one but because they ruin the mood.

A COUPLE are grimly going through the motions of making a disappointing stir-fry solely because they bought all the ingredients to make it.

A MAN who cannot summon the basic effort to mix and fry batter has ordered six pancakes via Deliveroo, it has emerged.

AT any dinner party, one’s thoughts turn to that awkward gap after the main course. And yet pudding, like a five-way sex romp, is impossible to enjoy alone.

THE ‘cheeky Nando’s’ is close to overtaking Britain’s other top cheeky pastimes, the cheeky fag and cheeky pint. But is your trip officially cheeky or are you living a lie?

CRIME organisations including the Mafia, Yakuza and the Triads have confirmed they are in total control of new trends in gastronomy.

BEGINNING with an oversized dry turkey, Christmas is a catalogue of foodstuffs avoided every other day of the year. And yet you gorged on all these.

A MOTHER is urging her adult daughter, home for Christmas, to fully consume all proffered food while also, long-term, slimming down.