Food
ROYAL Parks have debunked Farage's claim that eastern Europeans are eating swans. For the avoidance of doubt, they are of course not snacking on these things either.
THE co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s has quit after discovering every tub of the ice-cream would now contain unpalatable right-wing facts, he has confirmed.
A WOMAN has snuck off to the nearest bathroom to cut and snort a line of pumpkin spice, in keeping with the season.
FOREIGN foods, supposedly delicious, are bloody awkward to slap between slices of Hovis Farmhouse Batch. These are grudgingly workable.
A CLEARLY psychotic family are having a full table-service meal before boarding their flight.
A MAN has been astounded to learn that a Michelin-starred restaurant provides a more enjoyable experience than a Wetherspoons.
MASTERCHEF producers looking for a new presenter who will not inject inappropriate sexuality into the show have decided Nigella Lawson would be perfect.
A MAN who does not eat animal products is at the same time gripped with the heat-induced urge to grill something fatty and oozing with delectable juices.
IT IS oppressively hot, so time to stand over sizzling fat on a red-hot grill while wearing a twat’s apron. But what’s the slogan on yours?