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Food

The second-last temptation of Christ was banoffee pie

JESUS has confirmed that his last temptation was to escape sacrifice, live as an ordinary man and raise a family, but the temptation previous to that was banoffee pie.

Papa John's, and other chains with too much American bollocks for Britain

PIZZA chain Papa John’s has failed to gain a foothold in the UK, and the twee American name must have something to do with it. These also have too much colonial nonsense.

Cool vegetarian still eats meat when pissed

A VEGETARIAN who keeps it real still eats kebabs and burgers after a few pints, he has confirmed.

Headmaster advises children to eat Wotsits instead

Heaven is a massive slab of meat off a cow's arse: The gammon food critic visits a steakhouse

YOU know those massive methane farts cows stand around pumping out all day, destroying the ozone layer? They'll soon stop once they're dead and under the grill. You won't see that in our woke vegan media.

Golden Syrup had a dead lion on and you had no f**king idea

Woman refuses to acknowledge 'packet' as suitable unit of crisps

A RADICAL non-conformist has asserted that she, and not the arbitrary weight proscribed by a packet, decides when she has had enough crisps.

Woman on date pretending she can't finish pizza

A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her.

Six branded foods that are better than the cheap version whatever tight bastards say

SOME foods are worth the 15p price difference which separates the delicious from the inedible. Here are the ones whose cheapo version can never match up.

Englishman at Burns Night thought it was about dubious meat boiled in an intestine, not bloody poetry

AN English newcomer to Burns Night believed it was some sort of eating contest for offal and mushy vegetables, not an annual celebration of a national hero.