Food

A WOMAN erroneously believes her various food allergies are evidence of what a truly fascinating character she has.

RESTAURANTS are closing down in vast numbers. Is it because people are struggling with the cost of living or because eateries do these f**king annoying things?

A MAN idly pushing his trolley round Morrisons and chucking in anything that catches his eye is clearly making up his big shop as he goes.

A MAN who popped into his local corner shop looking for fresh, nutritious food is realising what a f**king stupid idea it was.

THE standard price for a milkshake, regardless of size or quality, is now five f**king pounds.

A VEGETARIAN sharing platter offered by a pub in Huddersfield consists entirely of chips, it has emerged.

A MOTHER hosting a playdate has affronted the community by serving children a meal other than pizza, leaving them ‘traumatised’.

STUDIES warn that ultra-processed foods will take years off your life expectancy, to which Britons have responded by opening a packet of Hob-Nobs.

SALADS are a fun and tasty choice for lunch so long as there is a main course of proper food immediately afterwards, it has been confirmed.

ICE-CREAM vans are a great concept, bringing the cooling balm of a 99 to your very door. But why are their siren songs so shit?