Food

Lazy bastard ordering pancakes on Deliveroo

A MAN who cannot summon the basic effort to mix and fry batter has ordered six pancakes via Deliveroo, it has emerged.

Proposing ordering pudding and proposing instigating an orgy: the similarities

AT any dinner party, one’s thoughts turn to that awkward gap after the main course. And yet pudding, like a five-way sex romp, is impossible to enjoy alone.

Is your trip to Nando's officially cheeky? A checklist

THE ‘cheeky Nando’s’ is close to overtaking Britain’s other top cheeky pastimes, the cheeky fag and cheeky pint. But is your trip officially cheeky or are you living a lie?

Organised crime reveals it is behind new food trends

CRIME organisations including the Mafia, Yakuza and the Triads have confirmed they are in total control of new trends in gastronomy.

Christmas pudding, and other festive treats nobody has actually wanted for years

BEGINNING with an oversized dry turkey, Christmas is a catalogue of foodstuffs avoided every other day of the year. And yet you gorged on all these.

'Eat more and also, lose weight' mother tells adult daughter

A MOTHER is urging her adult daughter, home for Christmas, to fully consume all proffered food while also, long-term, slimming down.

Cadbury's lose Royal Warrant after King's 'shattering' Creme Egg experience

CONFECTIONER Cadbury’s can no longer display a Royal Warrant after an incident between the King and a Creme Egg which he is still not entirely over.

Nation rocked to its core by revelation that most expensive mince pies not necessarily the best

The UK has once again been shaken to its foundations by the discovery that just because a mince pie is expensive does not mean it is the nicest tasting.