Restaurant gives vegan dishes ridiculous punning names to make the bastards suffer

A RESTAURANT has deliberately given vegan dishes stupid play-on-words names to make its herbivorous clientele feel like idiots, it has emerged.

How to become middle class by upgrading your condiments

ARE you a class betrayer desperate to slither your way into the ranks of the middle classes? Here’s how to do it with your favourite condiments.

Welshman enjoying traditional meal of daffodils

A WELSHMAN is tucking into a traditional St David’s Day feast of daffodils, it has emerged.

'We don't need foreign muck like tomatoes': The gammon's guide to seasonal British vegetables

WHO needs tomatoes and peppers when we’ve got delicious British vegetables like swede and cabbage? Here is Roy Hobbs’ guide to avoiding traitorous EU produce.

Can you buy a f**king cucumber? A choose-your-own post-Brexit adventure

YOU need a bit of salad to make your meals less carb-intensive, but can you find a cucumber f**king anywhere? Try your luck with our interactive game.

Doughnuts latest foodstuff to get all up themselves

RINGS of fried dough have begun behaving as if they are expensive gourmet desserts because they have icing and crushed biscuits on top.

Lilt 1975-2023, the soft drink none will mourn

THE totally tropical soft drink beloved by barely anybody passed away peacefully yesterday evening, it has been confirmed.

Weighing the birthday cake: an entirely proportionate guide to making sure life is fair, by a seven-year-old

COULD your sibling be getting more of something than you? Is that the end of the world? Here’s how to ensure life is precisely fair.

We'd be f**ked without chips, admit vegetarians

VEGETARIANS have admitted their dietary choice would crumble in seconds were it not for the existence of chips.

Smoky bacon crisps, and other snacks that taste f**k all like they claim to

GOT a craving for roast beef, crispy bacon or a Thai curry? Prepare to be let down by these snacks whose descriptions are flagrantly taking the piss.