Six Christmas foods you've bought way too much of that'll be going in the bin

BOUGHT shitloads of food in to make sure you're covered for two f**king days? Chances are you'll be emptying half this perishable shit in the bin by Wednesday.

Nigella vs Deliciously Ella: Which pathetic posh bird fantasy floats your boat?

ARE you unsure whether you’d shag posh celebrity chef Nigella Lawson or posh celebrity chef Ella Woodward? Let’s try to resolve this improbable sexual dilemma.

Now add gold leaf, says Jamie

JAMIE Oliver has used his new Christmas special to advise giving Brussels sprouts and tired old turkey a bit of pizzazz with a touch of gold leaf.

Five reasons there's never anything you fancy in the fridge for dinner

IT'S dinnertime again and there’s not a single f**king thing in the fridge you want to eat. Here’s why.

Woman found without dietary requirements

A WOMAN has been found who has no specific dietary requirements, scientists have confirmed.

Gammon thinks food allergies are a choice

AN angry middle-aged man is under the impression food allergies are a voluntary choice made by snowflakes, it has emerged.

Six shit biscuits only grandparents think are a treat

WHY did your grandparents make you eat fig rolls when Party Rings were available? Did they realise rationing had ended when they bought these?

The pathetic Brit's guide to indirectly saying your meal was shit

HAVE you been disappointed by a meal out but lack the balls to complain? Here’s your guide to indirectly making your feelings known in a feeble British way. 

Local chippy offering Klarna

YOUR local chip shop is now offering customers the chance to pay for their fish supper in interest-free instalments, it has confirmed.

How to ruin your enjoyment of food by becoming a self-proclaimed foodie

DO you have the tosspot-factor it takes to declare yourself a ‘foodie’? If so here’s how it will curse your enjoyment of eating.