The middle class guide to faking enjoyment of al fresco dining

DO you find dining with friends in a garden on a summer evening pleasantly aspirational? Here’s how to overlook the many downsides of eating outdoors.

Five unpleasant foods pathetic social climbers eat to look 'posh'

DESPERATE to go up a social class or two? Choke down this disgusting food to fit in with all the other 'posh' people.

Old El Paso or Blue Dragon: Which meal kits are best for penetrative sex?

MEAL kits are a great way to make cooking more complicated and persuade the opposite sex to f**k you. Here’s the lowdown on which ones are most likely to lead to coitus.  

How to lie to yourself about how many snacks you're on a day

ARE you feeling the pressure of reducing your daily intake of snacks? Here are six great ways to camouflage the amount of junk you’re guzzling.

'That looks good enough to eat!' and other witticisms your grandparents will say before eating dinner

GRANDPARENTS enjoy nothing more than spouting hilarious one-liners before stuffing their faces. Which of these do yours prefer?

One sausage, sparse beans, brown toast: the five worst crimes of a full English breakfast

A FULL English breakfast is a delicate balance of unhealthy ingredients. Messing with the formula in these ways can totally ruin it.

Woman's whole personality is eating seeds as a snack

A WOMAN’S colleagues have discovered that her entire character is limited to the fact that she will turn down crisps for a handful of seeds.

Five suspiciously exotic cuisines your local scary pub has started serving

THE only thing scarier than a pub with bikers and broken glass outside is that same pub with a ‘Try our new tasting menu’ sign. Here are some cuisines that will make you want to stick to crisps.

Middle class child in gastropub orders off-menu

A BRATTY middle-class child in a gastropub has ordered off-menu with the full approval of his dreadful parents, it has emerged. 

Next nostalgic Tory policy is bringing back food rationing

AFTER the Boomer-delighting return to imperial weights and measures the government plans to bring back good old food rationing.