Poor, deluded man thinks himself too good for toasties

A MAN who has travelled so far from his roots he does not even know who he is anymore believes himself too good for a toasted sandwich.

New McPlant burger lets vegans feel ashamed and disgusted too

MCDONALD’S have introduced a new plant-based burger that lets vegans experience the shame and disgust of consuming vile, greasy processed food.

How to be vegan but not a prick

WHILE it’s fine to follow a plant-based diet, it’s less fine to get on everyone’s tits about it. Here’s how to strike that delicate balance.

Twattish food packaging descriptions to delight middle class people

SUPERMARKETS no longer just tell you what’s in the packet - expect oodles of flavour, slathers of olive oil and dollops of pretentious bollocks. Here’s how they reel in their poncey customers.

Daredevil makes sandwich directly on kitchen surface 

A RISK-TAKING adventurer is making a cheese-and-pickle sandwich without using a chopping board.

Family in grip of terrible inability to stop eating

A FAMILY are unable to stop eating handfuls of turkey, mince pies and Quality Street despite not being remotely hungry.

Matriarch of vegan polycule making big deal out of carving nut roast

THE female head of a polyamorous vegan household is carving the Christmas dinner nut roast with imperious self-importance.

Matchmakers, Bisto and other low-quality shite that makes a classic British Christmas

THINK Christmas is all about premium food and drink? You’ve clearly never enjoyed the following British festive essentials.

Drunk and bloated by 12pm: your body’s Christmas Day journey

CHRISTMAS Day isn’t about joy and merriment for your body. It’s a punishing marathon of overindulgence it barely survives. Here’s what it goes through.

Whole family bricking it as daughter insists on hosting Christmas this year

A FAMILY are regretting their decision to let daughter Lucy cook Christmas dinner instead of Mum.