Middle class child in gastropub orders off-menu

A BRATTY middle-class child in a gastropub has ordered off-menu with the full approval of his dreadful parents, it has emerged. 

Next nostalgic Tory policy is bringing back food rationing

AFTER the Boomer-delighting return to imperial weights and measures the government plans to bring back good old food rationing.

Crisp sandwiches and other meals that aren't anything to be proud of

PEOPLE rave about crisp sandwiches and other stupid food concoctions. If that’s you, here are some to stop wanking on about and eat a normal grown-up meal instead.

Woman 'listening to what her body needs' eats entire packet of Hobnobs

A WOMAN who is trusting her body to tell her what to eat has discovered it wants an entire sleeve of  biscuits to be consumed in one sitting.

From aggressive marketing to shit food: The five stages of using meal box kits

WERE you tricked into ordering a big box of food and some bad recipes with the lie that a meal kit would be cheap and easy? Here are the stages of finding out it’s not.

Woman wishes she'd chosen post-nightclub kebab instead of one-night stand

A WOMAN was left disappointed when she opted to take a man home for a shag instead of ending her night with a doner kebab.

Man contemplates suffering of Jesus Christ while eating Creme Egg

A MAN is reflecting on the death and resurrection of the son of God by eating a Creme Egg, it has emerged.

Kids to be sick by lunchtime

THE nation's children will have eaten so much Easter chocolate they will be sick by lunchtime, it has been confirmed.

Fish ask pescatarians what the f**k their deal is

FISH have demanded to know why pescatarians are uncomfortable eating all other animals but fine with chewing up and swallowing their dead flesh.

Mum eats entire Easter egg with head in cupboard

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has consumed an entire Cadburys’ Easter egg by sticking her head in a cupboard so her children remained unaware.