Man successfully acquires all five herbs and spices

A MALE amateur chef is delighted with himself after obtaining all the five herbs and spices that exist.

Yorkshireman fined for cutting sandwich diagonally

A MAN from Batley has been given a substantial fine for cutting his bacon butty in a manner unbecoming of a Yorkshireman.

Five aphrodisiac foods that are a big red flag to your date

ARE you hoping to boost your sex drive and your chances of getting laid by ostentatiously eating aphrodisiac foods on a date? Here’s how it might backfire.

Tony the Tiger on top: cereal mascots ranked in order of f**kability

EVERY self-respecting cereal has a cartoon mascot and you’re horny in the morning. Here’s the order in which you’d do them.

Seven ways takeaway deliveries will punish you for being a lazy bastard

FANCY having some fast food delivered because you can’t be arsed to bake a potato? Here’s how you will suffer karmic retribution for being a lazy shit.

The traumatic atrocity of your nan's trifle: your vegan cousin's layer-by-layer guide

HAS your cousin become a vegan since last Christmas? Here's how they will cancel your beloved nan's traditional Boxing Day trifle layer-by-layer.

Pigs in blankets reign supreme: Christmas Dinner foods, ranked

CHRISTMAS Dinner contains a multitude of delicious components, but now we're all through it which is the best?

Turkey best eaten straight out of the fridge with hands at 11pm, confirm experts

FOOD scientists have confirmed that the best way to eat turkey is in quick little handfuls while standing in a kitchen illuminated only by the fridge.

Only shit chocolates left

IT IS 1pm on Christmas Day and there are only shit chocolates left, the nation has confirmed.

Six Christmas foods you've bought way too much of that'll be going in the bin

BOUGHT shitloads of food in to make sure you're covered for two f**king days? Chances are you'll be emptying half this perishable shit in the bin by Wednesday.