Food

A MAN idly pushing his trolley round Morrisons and chucking in anything that catches his eye is clearly making up his big shop as he goes.

A MAN who popped into his local corner shop looking for fresh, nutritious food is realising what a f**king stupid idea it was.

THE standard price for a milkshake, regardless of size or quality, is now five f**king pounds.

A VEGETARIAN sharing platter offered by a pub in Huddersfield consists entirely of chips, it has emerged.

A MOTHER hosting a playdate has affronted the community by serving children a meal other than pizza, leaving them ‘traumatised’.

STUDIES warn that ultra-processed foods will take years off your life expectancy, to which Britons have responded by opening a packet of Hob-Nobs.

SALADS are a fun and tasty choice for lunch so long as there is a main course of proper food immediately afterwards, it has been confirmed.

ICE-CREAM vans are a great concept, bringing the cooling balm of a 99 to your very door. But why are their siren songs so shit?

THERE’S a lot of concern over processed food nowadays but you grew up eating Angel Delight and you’re fine. So far. Here are some other old favourites to worry about.

NOBODY actually wants to eat a burger in what is essentially cake, so why do restaurants think it’s a good idea? They should stop serving this other bollocks too.