International

THE French have confirmed that, sick of being the victim, they are stepping up to be the continent’s premier xenophobic nationalists.

JOE Biden is too infirm to be president, so gay liberal Hollywood has no option but to step in. Who should replace him for the showdown against Trump?

LONG-RUNNING Neighbours character Julian Assange, best remembered for a storyline where he revealed Erinsborough’s secrets, is returning to the soap.

FAR-RIGHT? Doing well with the patriots? They must never find out about your crush on the Prince Adam of the East, President Putin? Throw them off the scent.

FAR-RIGHT lunatics are seizing power across Europe, but which of these boggle-eyed xenophobes is fit to fill Adolf Hitler’s jackboots?

HAVING just returned from France, which is shit, Grace Wood-Morris can state definitively that it does not count as a proper holiday abroad.

THE entire planet has sacked today off to have a laugh at Donald Trump’s expense, it has emerged.