Lifestyle

NEW Year's Eve was bad enough when you were young and carefree, but now you're middle-aged with kids the magic is dead. Fool yourself that it’s still 2005.

A MAN has enthusiastically agreed to going out on New Year’s Eve despite knowing full well he will back out at the last minute.

A FAMILY wearing matching Christmas pyjamas all wish they were dead, they have confirmed.

WATCHING the pennies this Christmas? Here are some wonderful gifts you can get completely free by sneaking into your neighbour's garden at 1am.

THE thoughtful parents of a teenage boy have gifted him a brand new pair of socks to masturbate into this Christmas.

A TEENAGE boy is painfully desperate to escape the clutches of his caring, providing parents to see his shithead mates.

A MOTHER with an overly affectionate relationship with the family dog has presented everyone with gifts purportedly from him.

TRAGICALLY, I’m not in London for Christmas. Disappointing, but I’m duty-bound to visit my parents in their dreary village where there aren’t vibrant, characterful neighbours screaming at 2am.

A FAMILY with a low tolerance for nonsense is already packing up the Christmas tree and associated decorations.

THERE’S nothing worse than minding your own business in a shop and an assistant having the audacity to engage with you. Here’s how to deter them effectively.