Relationships

IN films, when two hot people hate each other, they often realise they’ve been in love all along! So why does this bullshit scenario occur so rarely in real life? 

OCCASIONALLY your partner’s opinion is welcome. In some rare instances, it’s even ‘asked for’. But when it comes to certain topics, there’s not a chance in hell you’ll ever listen. Take these, for example.

INTERVIEWS are much like dates: you put a shitload of work and afterwards they disappear and refuse to answer messages. Use these tactics for both.

YOUR boyfriend is definitely not sulking and it is definitely nothing to do with the football, he has confirmed.

GETTING dumped is shit, but almost as shit for the poor friends who are obliged to be there for you afterwards. Here’s how to make them lose the will to live.

A MAN who has nothing but contempt for women’s views, interests and lifestyles has no idea why none of them will go out with him.

NOT getting any sex? You're probably sad and unshaggable due to one of these reasons.

OH, you were glad enough of me in 2020. And 2021. You fell into my loving embrace and told me how important I was to you. But where are you now? F**king Zante.

IT’S a challenge facing countless couples - how to tell your partner they’re turning into a wobbly lardarse with tact and sensitivity. Here are some ways of addressing the situation.

YOU naively imagine you mastered the basic functions of life as a child, but in the view of your live-in partner you’re wrong. These issues must be addressed.