Relationships

IS your partner being a dick and getting an early night as if that makes them better than you? Here’s how to shit all over that plan.

SOMETIMES you’re genuinely puzzled as to what you saw in an ex-partner. Here are some that will forever remain a mystery, like the Mary Celeste but less interesting.

IT'S your duty to bring your children up well, but it’s more important to make them love you more than your partner. Here’s how to make sure you’re number one.

FEW statements uttered by a girlfriend put you on edge like the festering ambiguity of ‘I’m fine’. Here are the seven levels of panic you’ll experience when you hear these words.

ARE you a vile slob in the privacy of your own home? The answer is ‘yes’. Here are some horrible little habits that, if discovered by your other half, would make them go ballistic.

ARE you single, ugly and looking for love? Avoid these glaring f**k-ups only hot people can get away with.

A COUPLE having a blazing row should be given the privacy of only being observed discreetly, however entertaining it is. Don’t be tempted to do the following.

I AM in the prime of life. It behooves women to understand, therefore, that I cannot date them if they are fewer than 13 years my junior. Let me explain.

A COUPLE attempting to spice up their marriage by role-playing as strangers have connected by discussing how awful their partners are.

YOU’VE been rattling on about shite and your partner has zoned out completely. Here are five signs that mean you should shut up next time it starts happening.