War

A BRITISH man who had always thought of the Blitz as a wonderful time that brought Britons together has confessed that footage of Ukraine has made him think again.

VOLUNTEERS from across Europe are travelling to Ukraine to battle the Russian army. Obviously you’d love to but you can’t, because:

ALL armed conflicts are horrific but this one is a bit worse because it has the added misery of memes, historians have confirmed.

HISTORY has confirmed that it decided to do the whole pandemic before the world war rather than after this time, to mix things up a bit. 

TWO conflicts are dominating headlines: Russia’s and the Ukraine and Colleen Rooney’s against Rebekah Vardy. Which do you honestly give more of a shit about?

President Biden has declared war on Texas, vowing to remove its regime of medieval tyranny.

IMAGINE fleeing your home in terror, not knowing if you’ll see your loved ones again. But also imagine a load of foreigners living next door, speaking funny and cooking smelly food.

THE city of Newcastle has assembled an army to march north and annexe Edinburgh while it is dukeless and defenceless.

THE government is struggling and clearly fancies a nice patriotic voter-rallying war. Who should we invade to restore our national pride?

RUDDY-FACED patriots obsessed with the war are appalled to see you are not wearing a poppy yet and want to know why.