War

NATIONAL Service in the armed forces should be reinstated immediately, according to dense people who have not thought it through.

A FORTUNE-TELLING fish from a Christmas cracker just hopes that this year someone heeds its dire warnings of what is to come.

A WOMAN who finishes the ends of her friends' sentences is on fucking thin ice, it has been confirmed.

BRITISH soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy for people who like to have a good moan about teenagers and modern life in general, they have confirmed.

BREXITERS and remainers set aside their differences yesterday for a festive football match which then descended into a foul mouthed argument.

RIGHT-wingers are furious after an organisation that wants to prevent cataclysmic violent death was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

MORONS have been reminded that Britain actually fought Nazis during the war.

THE NEXT dominant species on the planet is following the news from North Korea with growing interest and enthusiasm.

WOMEN should not be allowed in the SAS, according to men who read books about the SAS and only about the SAS.

DONALD  Trump has impressed the international community by managing to make threatening a pre-emptive nuclear strike seem comparatively reasonable.