War

SCOTLAND'S invasion of Holland has been postponed indefinitely after the Dutch Navy seized a consignment of 25,000 Scottish infantry sporrans.

ALEX Salmond is to cancel plans for an Edinburgh tram system and use the money to build a 400 mile bridge from Scotland to Amsterdam.

SCOTLAND is a nation of demented, blood-thirsty warmongers, straining to mount a full-scale assault on Holland, according to a Daily Mash readers' poll.

THE Dutch last night claimed responsibility for setting fire to the Scottish-built Cutty Sark and warned that no Scots ships were safe during the war with Holland. 

THE Dutch have launched their first salvo in the war with Scotland by flooding the country with cheap, low-grade pornography.

IN his first act as Scotland's new First Minister, Alex Salmond has declared war on the Dutch.