War

London, 26th of June, 1814HIS Grace the Duke of Wellington has implored Parliament to limit the active engagement of the British Army from the current obligation of 14 wars to a mere eight.

THE government faced fresh embarrassment last night after a Vanguard class nuclear submarine was found on board a commuter train.

TOP-secret documents left on a Surrey commuter train could have been picked up by anyone, even a Frenchman, MPs said last night.

TALIBAN forces in southern Afghanistan were in retreat last night after a fresh offensive by Britain's nancy boy actors.

GORDON Brown has quashed a backbench rebellion over the detention of terror suspects after revealing that terrorists can hold their breath for exactly 41 days.

PEOPLE from continental Europe have the most dreadful taste in music, experts said last night.

BRITAIN'S spies are demanding a 25% pay increase to prevent their wives having to work as whores.

THE number of Iraqis expecting to still be alive by lunchtime has risen to an all-time high, an upbeat new survey shows.

PETERBOROUGH was today bracing itself for wave after wave of devastating raids by low-flying Tornado fighter-bombers.

HITLER'S astrologer told the Nazi leader to expect good news about a part-time job or an unexpected cash gift from a family member, according to files just released by the National Archive.