War

MILLIONS of people across the world have been denied the chance to use up the best part of their morning staring at the gloopy contents of Osama Bin Laden's ruptured head.

THE death of Osama Bin Laden is a temporary glitch, purveyors of top quality fear have insisted.

BRITAIN'S favourite pastry snacks have announced that 'they are the masters now'.

BRITAIN's multi-billion pound Trident submarines do not work underwater, secret files have revealed.

AFGHAN civilians are facing a three month wait to be blown to smithereens, it has emerged.

BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.

COLONEL Gaddafi last night decided to just go ahead and assume that we are actively trying to kill him.

LOTS of people died in Libya last night, but it's okay because they were baddies.

THE United Nations security council has paved the way for air strikes against Chris Moyles.

GOOMBA sleazeball Tony 'the Prick' Blair was being questioned today about his role in the Iraq war scamola.