War

AFGHAN civilians are facing a three month wait to be blown to smithereens, it has emerged.

BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.

COLONEL Gaddafi last night decided to just go ahead and assume that we are actively trying to kill him.

LOTS of people died in Libya last night, but it's okay because they were baddies.

THE United Nations security council has paved the way for air strikes against Chris Moyles.

GOOMBA sleazeball Tony 'the Prick' Blair was being questioned today about his role in the Iraq war scamola.

EGGS are terrifying for the first time in more than 20 years, it has been confirmed.

THE war in Afghanistan was started so the Ministry of Defence could avoid a £13bn underspend, according to a leaked email.

THE release of Wikileaks founder Julian Assange yesterday caused a senior American to shout 'godammit' and bang his fist on a walnut conference table.

DEFENCE secretary Liam Fox has warned that cuts to Britain's defence budget will leave the country open to attack from massive foreign wasps that do not share our values.